I've always been a person who needs a lot of variety in my week to keep my attention. I like new challenges to help me appreciate the more familiar spaces in my life. I prefer to be juggling slightly too many things so that when a day of very little stretches in front of me, I know just how to let it wash over me and see it for what it really is. I've spent a lot of time over the past year making new things happen: learning new skills, changing the way that I work, seeking new friendships, new places to call home....
The thing is with constantly seeking out new stimuli is that you can start to feel like you don't have a centre any more. If, like me, you need a constant supply of new and exciting experiences in order to feel truly alive, you can sometimes feel a bit untethered. It's the feeling that I crave, a sensation that I am capable of truly anything because things are fluid and loose. Of course, once you shake off that feeling of claustrophobia and feel unleashed? Things can feel a little uneasy in your day to day as you flounder for something to pin it all on.
I find sticking to routines hard. I establish one and pretty soon it's gone and I'm moving on to try the new thing that's "going to make my life better". Lately I've not even tried routines but instead bounced from project to project or simply reacted to the next demand that crops up. It's left me pretty low with Imposter Syndrome. Without a sense of goal or purpose, I've questioned what I'm really doing in life.
However, today I interviewed a guest for Season 2 of the podcast. This guest talked lovingly and knowledgeably about the ebb and flow of life. She spun the tale of a woman who also craved constant change and challenge and that this was ok as long as you had a thread that ran through it all. It was there, in that moment that I came to realise that A Playful Day has become the thread that holds my day to day together. When I chase stories and offer them on the podcast, blog or various other online spaces, I do so in a way that reflects my present mood. This season is dedicated to a sense of adventure and I'm swirling around ideas of being untethered and grounded all at once. I don't think that's an accident, 5 weeks from the Big Move.
It was well timed, perhaps, that this morning the podcast reached it's first Patreon goal. I'd dared to share a little dream that the podcast would be entirely supported by its' listeners and that dream seems to be pleasing to more people than just me. With this new phrase 'ebb and flow' sounding in my head, I started to plan. I've started to ask "What if?"
A Playful Day has many voices and spaces and I love adventuring in all of them. Sometimes my interest in writing will wane when I'm photographing or recording more and then suddenly all I want are words on a page and the familiar tap of my keys.
So it was easy to switch on a camera today, despite my deep sense of Imposter Syndrome and make a video explaining that I'm daring to dream we can make the podcast even better. There's a new goal for monthly pledges and I would love it if you popped over to Patreon and considered joining the community we're growing there. You can even tell your friends.
Sometimes we just need a thread. Inspiration seems like a pretty good place to start.